This is hard for me to talk about, but talking about it is good. I like being honest with myself, and I believe it's important to face my fears and weaknesses to progress. If you aren't comfortable with those things, discussing emotional matters, or the use of the word "zit", this might not be the post for you.
Did you know I had really, really horrible acne during all of middle school and almost all of high school? It's funny, because the new friends and acquaintances I've made in the past year or so are usually pretty surprised when I tell them that I struggled with acne.
That is nothing short of a miracle.
The first thing I want to talk about, is that acne is so much more than the external problems.
(This is the tough stuff.)
To bring things down to the most knitty gritty, I think having acne contributed to much of my lack of self-esteem in my adolescent years. (Strange to think those are now behind me.)
I started getting bad zits when I was in fourth or fifth grade. At the time, I felt like I was the only person in my whole entire school who had acne.
I distinctly remember talking to a boy in my fifth grade class when I had a particularly angry zit somewhere on my face. He asked me if it was a zit. I remember insisting that, no, it most certainly was not! I felt so embarrassed by my breakouts, and even more embarrassed that someone had blatantly called it out. I remember telling him that it was a mosquito bite, that had been sunburned, but it was most certainly not a zit!
My breakouts persisted throughout sixth grade. My type of acne was a kind that was focused in the "T-zone", which included my forehead, nose, cheeks close to my nose, and my chin. That included blackheads, white heads, and really deep knotted, painful zits that were impossible to pop (oh, and trust me, I tried!).
I believe it was the summer after sixth grade when I first tried to find a treatment. My mom provided the encouragement, and throughout all those years of struggle, she was and still is my greatest ally. I started out by washing my face morning and night and putting a benzoyl peroxide based cream on my face for spot treatment at night. Enter, bleached towels and pajamas! I began using only my designated white towels, pillowcases, and t-shirts for sleeping. I still remember how much that cream stung on my open, bacterial skin.
When that topical solution didn't make a great difference, we asked my pediatrician for recommendations during my booster shot check-up. She wrote out a prescription for Tetracycline, which makes skin extremely vulnerable in addition to attacking acne. I discovered quickly that I did NOT like swallowing pills. I remember my dedicated, patient dad standing with twelve-year-old me in our small hallway kitchen in Oregon until I could swallow just one pill. Just one. He chopped up small pieces of strawberries and had me swallow them at them first, and then at the same time so that I wasn't so panicked about choking. I remember drinking so much water that I felt like my stomach was going to burst. I probably spit out five soggy capsules before I could force myself to swallow despite what every reflex in my body seemed to be telling me!
I had to plan taking those pills around when I last ate and when I was going to sleep. I hated it, but stayed pretty consistent in my bi-daily prescription.
That summer, I experienced the worst sunburns of my life. The medication made my already sensitive skin even more sensitive to the sun's beating rays. I remember going out to the lake with my best friend and her family. I generously applied 50 or 60 SPF sunscreen, played in the water, and neglected to reapply after I came out of the water. I couldn't even sleep that night because my skin hurt so bad. I got blisters, I peeled like crazy, and Aloe Vera became my lifeline for relief. I continued learning and using Tetracycline for several months.
Then, my mom decided to order ProActiv for me, we moved to Tennessee, and I started middle school.
To be continued...
1 comment:
Interesting (and brave!) stuff, curious to read the conclusion. For what it's worth, I never really noticed your acne those TN years...you were always just wonderful, sweet, fun, beautiful Jessica. :) (NOT just trying to make you feel good!)
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