Growing

This new semester has been such a blast so far! 

I'm loving and absorbing every minute: the easy and the opportunities for growth.

Yesterday I witnessed two girls open their mission calls. So much excitement! I'm so happy for them. I think missionary work will always have a sacred, special place in my heart.

I couldn't help but tear up inside (and outside) during those moments.

I'm not entirely sure what I want to say in this post. Have you ever felt like you have so much to express but don't know how to properly put it in to words? Or where to begin? Or where to go after that and how to finish?

I think I could be an Art, English, or Music major if I was okay with allowing others to tell me how to express myself. But I like the freedom of learning those things without formal education. I love creating, building, and designing.

You may have noticed a change in my posts over the last few months or so. I've kind of veered away from short, informative posts and explored really writing from my heart.

It's a challenge. Sometimes when I'm done and hit publish I start to wonder how the things I share will be interpreted by all of you who read my blog. But if there's anything I'm learning at this time in my life, it's learning to push away the voices of critics (without ignoring wise counsel and advice) and become all that God has given me the potential to become.

I have learned many things while being out on my own, both practical and spiritual/emotional:

My Heavenly Father loves me more perfectly and completely than I can comprehend, but I can pray to see myself as He sees me. I'm scared to share this, but I don't feel that it's inappropriate to write publicly. I pray for this perspective daily. If I have any form of spiritual blinders on, and I don't see myself as my Father sees me, it's very easy to be discouraged and to feel inadequate. Understanding my own potential also helps me to progress.

The family is a sacred, eternal unit. Marriage is essential, and children are a commandment. Both bring about the great blessings of Heaven. I have changed my major to Marriage and Family Studies. I'll admit that I haven't always had the highest opinion of this major. I'm still learning how to deal with comments like, "Oh, you mean the Mrs. Major!" or "So can you do anything with that?" or "Oh yeah, the mommy major!" Ok, yes. You are right. But after acting on impressions I received to consider it, I decided to make the change. I've done the research and I could become licensed to be a Marriage and Family therapist after going to graduate school. Since I know you're dying to hear my academic map, I'll share it with you. My thoughts are this: if I am unmarried by the time senior year rolls around, I will prepare for graduate school. But, if not, I fully intend to receive at least an undergraduate education, not necessarily with a career in mind. I know already that the things I'm studying and learning are going to bless my family now and my future family as I apply them to myself and my relationships. And what have my goals and dreams always been? I want to have a happy eternal family of my own. I have always wanted that. The things I'm studying are teaching me about the sacrifices required and the incredible importance of sacred family relationships, and I know that it is hard. But my greatest desires are to become a faithful wife and mother. I believe that motherhood is the crowning role of a woman. I feel very strongly that the world has a sickly twisted view of women who choose to put their children first. Before I say anything that might be offensive, I want to make it clear that I understand individual circumstances can prevent mothers from being with their children in constant nurture. But I believe that when the needs of little ones and a family are placed in proper order, those individuals who belong to that family have relationships that will enrich, bless, improve, challenge, and strengthen their lives and their faith in the Savior Jesus Christ. Nothing is more important to me than fulfilling my purposes here on earth as a daughter of my Heavenly Father, as a witness and disciple of Jesus Christ, and as a wife and mother.

There is joy in structure and discipline. Man alive, was it hard to type that! I know it in my head, but my heart still has a hard time coming to terms with it. If you know me at all, you are likely no stranger to the fact that I tend to be very unstructured and free, especially when it comes to sleep amounts and time management and commitment in general. Each day is still a battle. However, there have been some really, really fantastic days and moments interlaced between the challenging ones that have shown me how wonderful it is to be on time (dare I say, early!), to feel completely prepared, and to go to bed early and wake up early. Holy toledo it's hard for me! But I make an effort to not be too hard on myself. None of us are perfect even if we know what's good for us. And I don't expect myself to be perfect. I just expect myself to try.

My best friends are those who make me want to be better, but who simply love me the way I am. I have been very blessed to make a lot of those friends here during this time of my life. I believe that there is something to learn from everyone. Because every person is  truly a child of God, all of us are given unique gifts, talents, and abilities. I feel so very blessed to be surrounded by many peers who softly, or loudly, encourage me to love, cultivate, and appreciate my own gifts as well as theirs.

I don't have everything figured out, and that is okay. An overarching theme so far this semester is "one day at a time". With mounds of homework and studying, classes, friends and social life, dating, church responsibilities and obligations, and the upkeep of good family relationships it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and like I don't really know exactly what the heck I'm doing. Breaking tasks and goals in to smaller, manageable items of importance helps. One task at a time. Really listening to the voice of the Spirit helps tremendously as well. One prompting at a time. When I think about my life in even the next five years, I literally have no idea where I'm going physically or what I will be doing. But it's okay. I don't have to know. I just have to trust that as I go forth with optimism, keep the commandments, and work hard, things will work out.

The Lord has not forgotten me. He loves me with an infinite love. Though I don't always remember it, I find great comfort and peace in knowing that my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ know me. They know my efforts however small they may be, and I am not forgotten. They know everything, and they will not leave me alone or comfortless when I'm struggling and trying to grow. I love forget-me-not flowers because they remind me of those important truths. 

They are small, but they are beautiful and bright. They're a quiet, simple reminder to remember the love of God and the precious worth of each of His children, including me. I love that.