I'm Back

And I have a lot to say.

Somewhat ironically, I started a post the night before I found out that I was denied admission to BYU. Here's how it went:


I've already announced it on Facebook, but for those of you who haven't heard I've been accepted to BYU-Idaho. It feels so good to know that I have somewhere to go for school after I graduate.


But here's the thing. Last night I received an email with my track assignment.

Dear Jessica:

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to the Winter/Spring track at Brigham Young University-Idaho beginning Winter 2013.
Classes for this semester begin Monday, January 7, 2013.

More directions followed, and really the only other thing in the letter that initially caught my eye until I meticulously poured over every word was a paragraph that talked about taking online courses before enrolling in classes on campus.

This wasn't exactly my game plan.

The thought of staying home until next January feels so... backwards. topsy turvy. like... wha?

Understand, I'm still holding out for Provo. I feel pretty certain that if I'm accepted to BYU, BYU-I will basically leave the picture.

It's the uncertainty that's killing me. I know enough about life and experience to know that things happen for a reason, but I wonder why Winter/Spring? Are there certain friends I need to make, certain professors I need to meet, a soul I need to help, or is it just the luck of the draw?

And now that there are options (as in beginning school this Fall, or not), I'm feeling a little weighed down with the potential decisions that await me. This track assignment just makes me think, even if I am accepted to BYU, is that where I am supposed to be?

But then there are other factors to consider. If I enroll at BYU-I, will I stay home until school starts, or should I move out and live in Utah (or Idaho)? And then, should I live in an apartment? Try to move in with one of my family members?

Also, I'm pretty sure I want to go into nursing. BYU-I doesn't have a Bachelor of Science available in Nursing, just an Associate's, which means I would eventually have to transfer anyway if I want the four-year diploma (which I do).

BYU has been my dream, but I'm realizing with a greater intensity that I need to be extremely prayerful about these choices. While I have a strong desire to receive additional education and earn a degree to support myself in the future if necessary, I know that the most important decision I'm going to make within the next decade-ish of my life is the person I choose to marry. Honestly, that's one of the main reasons I want to go to school out west and live in the LDS "bubble".

Since visiting the campuses before I make a decision is an unlikely possibility, I've researched the web for images and facts and asked alumni and current students questions to get a "feel" for each school. Here's how I feel.

BYU-I = snow. And much more, but a whole lot of snow and chilly weather. I'm okay with that. I love winter clothing, actually. The Honor Code is a little higher (earlier curfew, no shorts) and more strictly enforced here, but I have also heard that it seems like the students and faculty are remarkably willing to abide by the rules. BYU-I also means small. I could see myself making close, lifelong friends here, and having a more individualized academic experience. As in, being on a first-name basis with pretty much everyone in my classes and with my professors. Rexburg isn't a very big city at all, but I kind of get the impression that it's a calm place to live where you can breathe clean air and feel safe and secure with spiritually-in-tune people.

That's where I stopped and saved it as a draft. I didn't even get to talking about BYU yet. Which leads me to think that I was being directed (if only in my thoughts and musings) to Idaho before I even discovered that was my only choice.


And I'm okay with that. In fact, I love it. I love the comfort of knowing that these things happen for a reason. I'm excited to get to Rexburg and greet all the new adventures, friends, professors, leaders, and experiences that lie before me.


In agreement with the mentality of Elder Wirthlin's mother, I want to write on my heart the wise advice, "come what may, and love it."


I feel confident that with a little more time, I will.


Probably a thousand times over, knowing the tender care of my Father in Heaven.