Zero Draft

My English professor introduced something to us called "zero draft". Basically, you just write. Don't think.

Write.

No outline, no solid concept, just write, and express thoughts on paper (or screen) to get comfortable with your individual writing voice and style.

It makes me feel super vulnerable to put this online, but so goes this post...

Every day so far I've felt like shouting from the rooftops, "I love college!!!" Except for when I don't.

The first weekend felt like EFY on super strong steroids. I-Group leaders wore solid polo shirts, gave campus tours, awesome advice,  played awesome games with us, helped us feel welcome and at home on campus... and on and on and on.

I get the strangest feelings sometimes while being on campus. The Spirit here is so strong when I'm in tune. I feel alive. I feel like the world is at my fingertips. I feel cold, but it's amazing how our bodies adjust. The temperatures soared above 15-degrees today, and I rejoiced.

Growing up while in college is so different from my experiences in Utah. I am surrounded by people in the same shoes as myself. I love that. People hold open doors for each other. We smile when we pass strangers on the sidewalks. When you fall down after sledding and crash on the asphalt with three other girls, guys from your ward show genuine concern and offer you a hand.

Boys. SO MANY worthy, cute, honest guys. The pool is so big. So so so varied. I don't know how people choose one person. That's such a huge contrast to my entire high school experience. I love that, too.

People have wholesome fun. I don't feel anxious or nervous when we get together in groups. I feel surrounded by goodness and faith. It is cool to be righteous. In fact, it's accepted. That was kind of incongruous. Whatever, this is zero draft.

Sammy's has super dang good shakes. Mmm. I got a mint oreo pie shake last night with 18 others. And we all went in one vehicle... Don't worry, Mom. I think.

It's amazing to me, though, how even though there are so many girls who have had upbringing's in the Gospel of Jesus Christ so similar to mine, everyone has a different story, different personality, different experiences. Unique. It's a beautiful thing, I think.

It's also amazing how even when I'm surrounded by so much good and love, loneliness and discouragement creep in. I've wondered before if I have legitimate depressed tendencies, or if everyone experiences those emotions. I'm learning a lot about myself constantly. Yesterday, I felt it creeping into my heart. I started doubting my abilities, my future, my hopes. I find that I tend to distance myself when I don't feel at my best. I immersed myself in cleaning, doing my laundry, getting all the garbage out of the apartment, etc. I felt close to tears, and I can't explain why. (PMS, anyone?)

Then I went to an open lab for Anatomy, and feasted on learning and knowledge. I even dreamt about tissue structure and cells during the night. Walking back to the dorms, I felt lighter, happier. Uplifted. Like I did something good for my soul. That is what I love most about my classes. It's so different from high school learning. I'm learning by faith, in a wonderful setting.

I felt mature, successful, grown up, even, walking back from class. I knew how much more homework I had to finish when I came back, and started working on my math assignments. Then my awesome, enthusiastic roommate came bursting through the door saying a group of guys from the ward were taking a bunch of girls to get ice cream. Uhh... I totally hesitated. Homework!

But then I went, and I finished my homework on time, and we talked and talked and talked forever. At first about the whole night and how much fun we have and how much we love it. Then we talked about our desires and hopes and dreams and goals in marriage and family. Sigh. Isn't it great?

And by the time it was 1:30, I realized I hadn't read my scriptures. So I stayed up until 2:00. Then my day was complete.

I don't have everything figured out; and, in fact, each day I attend my classes and spend time with friends and feast upon the spirit and think about my major, I feel like I don't have ANYTHING figured out.

But this much I know, the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to this earth in its fullness for the benefit and everlasting happiness of all Heavenly Father's children.

And I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I'll take it.